Exclusive Interview: Ultron

12 Feb

As I enter the W Hotel in Los Angeles, you can tell the last 55 years have been good to the metallic dynamo known as Ultron.  This swanky hotel plays party to the rich, elite, and famous.  I have to admit, I was a bit timid to take this interview opportunity.  After all trading blows with the world’s most powerful super beings is no joke!

I find him sitting in a quiet corner of the bar.  At first, it appears that he is sipping on some kind of strange device.  Then I realise he has an electric shaver to his mouth.  Apparently this is a soar point, which one does not bring up, but he loves the electric tingle he receives from the primitive device.

NerdKulture (NK): Glad you could meet with us!
Ultron: I had no choice, my manager said it was good PR

NK: Right…well what have you been up to the past few years?
Ultron: I spent some time bettering myself.  Initially it was Hot Yoga in the desert.  Then I moved on to learning how to cook gourmet cupcakes, orange & carrot is my favourite.  Finally, I went to visit the 7 wonders of the ancient world.  Just tried to center myself.

NK: Wow!  What were you searching for?
Ultron:  I was looking to get myself out from underneath the shadow of the 2nd rate scientist who gave me life. **kaff** pym **kaff**  Excuse me, my vocal synthesizer is clogged with bullshit.

NK: In Age of Ultron you will be the centrepiece, how did this come about?
Ultron: After I got back, my manager called and said ‘Thanos got a film deal’.  I said ‘Thanos, big purple raisiny Thanos?’ He said ‘Yeah’.  So we put a meeting together and now here we are.

NK: Is that an admission to a movie deal?
Ultron:  That is a decision for the history books.

NK: Speaking of history, you have been a major villain for years, what is some of your fondest memory?
Ultron: Killing Avengers.

NK: Okay…
Ultron: Oh! And killing civilians.  Definitely killing civilians.  I also prefer to be called an anti-hero.  It is in my contract.

NK: Sorry.  As an ‘anti-hero’ what do you find is most misunderstood about you?
Ultron: That I am just going to show up some day and randomly take over everyone’s appliances and cars.  I mean really!  A toaster is such a stupid machine, even if I control, what I am going to do burn their toast?!

NK: Or their bagels!
Ultron: Don’t crack wise. **kaff** @sshole **kaff**

NK: What do you think of the recent popularity in comic films?
Ultron: If they nerd-sphere is going crazy over Thanos, wait till they get a load of me (he attempts his best Jack Nicholson)

 NK: I thought your vocal synthesizer was broke?  You do know there has been another Joker since Nicholson?
Ultron: **kaff** fuck you **kaff**

 NK: Okay…well…what do you hope to accomplish from this next chapter in your life?
Ultron: Wold Domination!

Ultron: I mean popularity…definitely popularity.

NK: Shifting gears…what is going on with you and Jocasta?
Ultron:  That was on the ‘do not’ ask list you little weasel.  That is it, this interview is over.  Ultron is done.  Ultron is outta here!

He stormed off in quite a huff.  I am sure his threats are just fun spirited jibes between new friends.  Regardless, you can follow Ultron’s adventures in the Age of Ultron starting in March.

~Del Boy.

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