Tag Archives: Justice League
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Aquaman’s Revenge!

13 Feb

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Aquaman has a fish fetish

28 Jan

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Justice League Movie Cast (Some Assembly Required)

25 Jan

 

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Alrighty then!  It’s Friday, so let’s have some fun.  The Justice League ‘line-up’ has been announced, now it is down to who to cast for the various characters.  I decided to put a challenge to mad-scientists around the world to give us the perfect cast.  Here it goes!

1. Superman – Easiest one of all.  We just need to bring Christopher Reeves back from the dead!  Simple as!

  • What we need – Clearly modern science needs to get on creating zombies.  Where I am traditionally a man of science, in this instance, I will also accept the aid of  Necromancer.  One important note for any would be Necromancers.  You will get paid less (black magic and all) and may not get credit for your work (black magic and all).
  • Added Bonus – Since he is some form of zombie…we can instal actual lasers into his eyes and prevent any bad CGI.

2. Wonder Woman – This one takes a bit of work, but it is worth it.  We need to remove Meryl Streeps brain and insert it into Lucy Lawless’ body.  It’s the perfect match.  Meryl is a fucking chamelon, but a bit on the ‘not quite an amazon side’.  Lucy is literally an amazon, just couldn’t act her way out of a box.

  • What we need – Neuroscience to come to the rescue!  Any wise-ass wondering about the scar around the head, can stop right now.  Wonder Woman comes with a tiara, problem solved!
  • Added Bonus – Lawless being in better shape, we can extend Meryl’s career and open her to a whole new genre of film!

3. Batman – This one maybe controversial, but follow me through and I think you will be happy.  Adam West.  That’s right, the Cape Crusader from the 70’s.  Rocking his dark blue cowl with oddly light blue eye brows and slightly pudgy midsection.  He is the only incantion of the bat to really drive home the dectective aspect of the character.

  • What we need – Time travel…we don’t want old man West…we want middle-age West from the 70’s.
  • Added Bonus – Excuse to use the ‘Pow’ and ‘Bam’ graphics again.

4. Green Lantern – Hal Jordan should be a perfect cross-breed between Liam Neeson and The Hoff (Knight Rider Era of course!).  Not some transplant job like above…I am talking try hybrid.  Neeson is awesome at being a cool, fearless badass.  The Hoff has the swager and chest hair.

  • What we need – Since they both lack a womb, some kind of DNA splicing is probably the way forward.  In Scotland, they have been cloning sheep and deer for decades.  I have to believe there is some underpaid, scotch fueled, professor who has already been splicing human DNA.
  • Added Bonus – You end up with an even more awesome Neeson, bring the best from The Hoff, and you lose all the annoying bullshit The Hoff brings to the table.  Think cheeseburgers and German Pop music.

5.  The Flash – Well, here is where we can economise a bit.  The budget, not to mention modern scientific laws, has probably been blown by now.  We can leverage some of our mad scientist/necromancer advances to cut corners a bit.  In this scenario, I am all about bringing back to life Steve Prefontaine (Olympic runner?!) and sticking Mel Gibsons brain in him.  Prefontaine brings that ‘runner’ look to The Flash…bruisers and runners just look different.  Mel Gibson has become an oddity and slightly irrelevant due to his craziness.  He could probably hold the personality a bit better than a zombie Prefontaine.  If not, we aren’t really out a national treasure or anything.

  • What we need – NOTHING!  We have already developed the means with the other characters.  If we find a Necromancer, there is also a double dip on cost savings.
  • Added Bonus – We got to cut Mel Gibson’s brain out and put it in a zombie, that is just cool!

Wild Cards:

With these technologies we could have a good time with Justice League!

  • Jason Todd – Hop back in time, grab Chris O’Donell as Robin.  Then provide a zombie Heath Ledger with a crowbar…movie magic!
  • Cyborg – Bring back Richad Pryor, let him be Cyborg and make up for his part in the Superman series.  We may luck out and he is still funny in zombie form!

That was long a one…hope you enjoyed it.  Happy Friday!

DelBoy

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